Fathers tend to develop special protective instinct for her Baby

It is nice when the chemistry between parents and midwives to be true. If not, it can be dangerous .

Rare, really rare, together rushes it so right with one of the parents. And so right. Yes, sometimes the chemistry is simply not true. If all goes well, then it works even with both, so also with the man of the woman. In this case, it was not so. Not really.

For us, the midwives, the man is an important Partner, especially during the birth. If we can be in the delivery room between the pairs of back – and Lord, he can take the Massage, or his partner with the right Breathing support. In the house, it often occurs to me as if the men wanted to protect your cave visit, however, not always because I will receive friendly and open. Grumpy men forgiven, then, in your office or in the kitchen.

At a dinner, a young father of the midwife who helped with the birth of his children, told me the other day. You have him patronized and every limit exceeded. Probably because the chemistry has not voted. What he wanted me to say more I learned, because I sent drew the conversation to his charming twins. But by his anecdote I thought back to the noise with parents, which is also happened to me. Sure, every colleague has to tell the one or the other story.

The boy’s father, from my history I knew before I visited the Couple for the first Time. I had to remove on this day, in the newborn’s blood. Now, this is my favorite not just a task. Painless is easy to make and often both, Baby and mom crying. I heat the small, usually cold feet of the baby with a warm foot bath to. It helps that the Blood test is done easier and I don’t need to stab several times. The Stinging is for me to Overcome, and it brings me every Time into a sweat.

The preparations for the blood sampling were completed and it was ready to go. The child was the mother’s breast and started to cry. I remained calm and smiled at the woman, to calm you. At this Moment the father came in the room. What he saw was his insecure wife, a Baby crying, and blood. In summary, a pretty terrifying Situation for the man who had just come home.

He remained in the doorway and looked at me. If looks could kill, I would have been dead. Dead as a doornail. Slowly but determinedly and resolutely, he came up to me. I was very queasy. He grabbed my Arm, looked me in the eyes and said very loud and very clear: “please Leave my apartment! Immediately!“

I was accompanied in the hallway, I was handed the jacket and bag, and with emphasis, I was pushed out of the apartment. Whoosh. Door-to -. I breathed for the first time. The Blood loss would have still gotten to the lab.

I thought of the woman. Bad Situation for you, as you sat there safe now crying on the Sofa. Stumped on how I should deal with the Situation, LOX ambled off, followed me about it.

Spontaneously a friend to me with a strong red wine to the side. Late in the night, I got a text from the woman in which she apologized for the behavior of her husband. The obviously had overwhelmed not only Blood loss but also the tap of a message. The young mother, the behavior of her husband was uncomfortable. Understandable.

But I had explained because the Blood draw enough? The next day, I came back to the house to visit. On the day before so hostile man gave me a huge bouquet of flowers and a fresh coffee. We talked about the Situation and his reaction. Now he looked the necessary blood to be interested in abstraction and brought the blood himself into the lab.

During the following visits, we joked it is always the very first Moment. Really funny but it was not then. The next child was born two years later, we were set much better to each other. And still today, I get a Post with photos of the family. I am very pleased and have to smile every Time.

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Small Works, Big Ideas Panel Discussion

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Breastfeeding can be a right pain

Breastfeeding is the most Beautiful in the world? True sometimes, and sometimes not at all.

Breastfeeding is a Religion. The bookshelves sources of literature around the most Beautiful in the world.

Web pages, Facebook groups and Instagram Accounts full of breastfeeding women. There will be fights, insults, meant to be, educated and determined. The industry is responding to the Trend with products to assist this time and the Load is running. Born in a breastfeeding-friendly hospital.

In my training as a midwife, which began in 1986, I learned nothing about Breastfeeding, and had the time practice as well as no contact with mothers who ever wanted to breastfeed. This Generation of women were children of the ‘ 68, the sermons, the liberation of women. Part of that was that there was the bottle, and please note that every four hours, done. We are not to become all big?

It was silent in the time of something very alternative. The photos show in the first book on the subject by Hanna Lothrop, one of the first icons of lactation consultants. You see there are communities members are sitting in a self-colored bib and brace overalls, men with long beards, women with bare Breasts and satisfy kids of all ages.

There are no Silent Generation before us has shaped us in the family, as in the Nordic countries. Virtually everyone in the family can take the advice, as there always was satisfied, and every family has their own Tricks and tips.

Not infrequently, the old times are coming back to the changing table in the 21st century. Century, when the mother or mother-in-law of a young mom, I take care of, give the earlier words of wisdom for the Best. One of the most common comments is that you are spoiled for the Baby to Yes and, well, it’s always not enough.

In the family, there has never worked with Breastfeeding, and that you have to make of the young woman, but please also fix clear. A rare consequence of such Inputs in the puerperium, the so-called mother-in-law’s syndrome, in which the nursing mom when Crossing the border of the city of the mother-in-law gets a milk jam is.

On the other hand, the benefits of breastfeeding to be preached like the verses from the Bible. Yes, we know it all, and Yes, we get it. We believe the beautiful and relaxed mothers on web pages and on all channels, the inspired of luck with fresh geföhnten hair and smartly dressed in a stylish living room that Breastfeeding is the most Beautiful in the world. I can only say Yes, it is.

Now comes the But: but not for every woman. How not to work, women feel where it is and Fight, after a long and a lot of tears with the worst Conscience of the world at the end give up. The women are sitting weeping and broken on her couch in a messy apartment, in baggy trousers, without having taken a shower, and the famous parent node, to subdue the unwashed hair.

Yes, Breastfeeding is also an asshole can be a hole and a real one.

Henriette gave me this saying on the way given in my last home visit, in the eighth week after the Silent finally, and after many tears worked had. The saying is true in the dark abyss that is hidden for some Quiet. What I have this woman to be admired for their sake. Chapeau! He accompanied me ever since in my work and I’ll give you like women with on the way in which breast-feeding does not work that way.

I would like to see all the Mamas out there, Let alone that do not want to breastfeed or can, or, for whatever reason, choose not to. Support each other, encourage you, and stay close together, damn it. And no mommy is better than the other Mama. It is not there, the good or the bad Mamas.

non-binary birth

The Pride movement (short LGBTQIA+) and new forms of family life have arrived in the midwife's work is long .

Two externally as a male recognizable people stand in front of the delivery room door. One of them is a woman is pregnant biologically. At first glance, is not to identify who is the Person who comes into the delivery room for the birth.

 

Both understand their belonging to the sexes as nonbinär.  Nonbinär means that both of you feel any of the two strictly divided sexes (male – female) belong to. In the Pride of the world, there’s a huge spectrum of gender identities.

 

Well, come on in for the first time, you will be welcomed by my colleague. The mood is charged, and defensive towards us. You wanted to get your child in a birthing centre, with a special focus on LGBTQIA+needs, and have now landed in a place that is little prepared to your wishes and needs . 

 

And let’s be honest: Yes, we are overwhelmed in the delivery room. Each of us in their own way. We need to keep to stop, take a deep breath. We Google it, read, and discuss, share our thoughts. The Computer doesn’t work when you take a man’s birth into the delivery room System, but the parturient Person is a man. That is how your card and on your health insurance card. So the Couple must pay for the birth itself, which causes understandable annoyance. His desire to record the expected child as a “nonbinär”, we can not correspond, because the System only knows the three categories of “male”, “female” and “divers”. The indignation we feel also.

 

Our Team consists mostly of colleagues going in the next 10 to 15 years in retirement, and a few boys midwives that are not yet 30 years old (male or various midwives are not including). Same-sex couples, Patchwork births, and so many other constellations that we all know. Here in our work in the delivery room of a Berlin hospital. Different and different cultures, traditions, customs and religions, we encounter more and more frequently in our work and in the fast-changing world. From total lack of understanding to indifference and shoulder everything is batting a Team of midwives. The theme does not let us. Our pictures in the mind and our language in the Gebärsaal are female. Breasts, Vaginas, Vaginas, bellies and female forms and sounds … women who give birth to a child, because only the female body can bring this beautiful.

 

Now, however, a proven man with externally visible Beard, a deep voice and masculine forms in the tub sits in and has an obvious pregnant belly, in which a Baby is on the way in our world.

 

How are we to appeal to the Couple, as the woman Person to touch or even vaginal investigate? It is a mine seems to be the field for us. I hear from the ladies discussions and tension, of expectations of us, how everything has to be right. It is our job as midwives to discuss here in the delivery room about a nonbinäre registration of the child is not going to be possible? Outside the world is burning. There is war, Hunger, drowning people, flooding, and drought crises, fears for the future, the climate crisis, energy prices and Inflation, and, well, a little bit of Corona. All that captivates us and our life Together, even here in the delivery room. And now someone of our delivery room-the world on the head there. The birth is female, and the terminology associated with it.

 

48 hours later, a healthy baby girl is born. The midwife, which accompanied the last part of the birth, tell me about your impressions. A personal evaluation from leaves them in their narratives. Recognizing the birth of the work done by this nonbinäre being irritated by a male hairy body and a lack of Breasts. The theme of the Gender you have just excluded in their care, because it was in this Moment, don’t care, or? she tells me. You know, she says, in the last minutes of the birth, just before the baby’s head was born, Max (Name changed), once again, completely female. The voice and your eyes, your search for help and support, transformed this Person at once in the parturient, we know of midwives. It was impressive to see, and touched my colleague deep. She wonders if this is the experience of the birth, this power, and the wonders, which can only bring a biologically female body, if the woman Person can recognize that for yourself, even if your Name is Max? 

half past nine in the morning in Berlin Mitte

The Doula, and lactation consultant, the neuralgia therapist, an acupuncture expert from China and the midwife. Oh Yes ... and the parents with their newborn.

We sit at the table for a normal house visit to a typical “middle of the family “, a multinational, multilingual, prosperous, and formed one Morning at half past ten in Berlin. We are the Couple with their newborn, the Doula, and lactation consultant, the neuralgia is a therapist, an acupuncture expert from China, and I, the midwife. Breastfeeding didn’t work properly. Not so, as the contributions from the colorful and beautiful Instagram Community to suggest and the expectations are high. 5 approaches to a solution sit here at the table, in the middle of Berlin. A shambles of Knowledge and know-it -. The impact of the herpetic neuralgia therapy, of which I had never heard of and which I need to Google it, it shows me little useful information.

This treatment is a deep massage of the chest, to dissolve blocks. Quite a painful procedure, the deep blue of the hematoma on the glandular tissue of the breast of the woman leaves.  acupuncture set of needles, the lactation consultant explains your strategy for the improvement of milk production and the Doula their approaches to nutrition. Approach number 6, the Osteopath, who can make the morning a visit is possible.

The fresh-baked father writes diligently the instructions. With a little distance, this scenario reminds me of the fun old Italian movies, in which all sitting at the table talking and somehow always a mess, but funny, it’s not here. Eventually, I take my Chance and go out with the Baby, and the father in the next room, to weigh the newborn. Quietly, the man closes the door. He looks at me and asks: What do you say, what is happening here? Do you think that we are trapped in the Consultation? I’m thinking for a moment before I answer. Now these people are here because you asked for help and the Right want to do. Advice is a difficult word is the case, but I understand what you mean with all of the promises Offered, the fast help from a professional promise. In vain that’s not All . 

The next day, during the home visit, I am, as always, the other sitting at the table, even if only virtually. I must introduce me now, who advises there with? I start to research what offers there are, who provides them, and of course, who should pay how much.

I put myself in a far-flung network of services around pregnancy and birth, the advertise with succulent prices, and colorful images, to win the favor of the Pregnant woman. Amazed, I find numerous offers training courses for women, which are intended to accompany the Pregnant women and mums and advice. Midwives, it is not enough, and, well, the Few that have anyway, no time, and you would be close to a real gap in the market. And straightway is shown how one can boost his sales really. The names of the institutions, academies and centres of excellence, sound impressive reputable. Medical training would not be necessary in order to carry out this work, and the Learning goes only online, in a lot of courses promise by Zoom. Health and Fitness, Engineer, Alone of birth, mentor, mom, Coach, mental preparation for Birth Coach, Baby and newborn Coach, Breastfeeding and Postpartum Coach, belly binding Coach, birth keeperin, Team breast milk, Breastfeeding a mentor, belly Whisperer and motherhood Doulas. They will show you what is important in the counseling of the Pregnant woman and the woman with the Baby. The Marketing works very well, because the courses are fully booked. The Followers Numbers are on the rise. There will be prizes, of which we midwives, as payment can only dream of. And we all know precisely that our work should be “vain ” even if it is not a performance, such as acupuncture or the fast Show, like a sling, so is. This is going to Be Accessible in the day-time and night as the normal exercise of a profession in quality.  Often heard in midwives talks to, how annoying that is for us, that for so many other things for money, but for our HEDGEHOG services, and only very hesitantly agrees.

Interdisciplinary an important part of the Work in my work, because I can’t know everything and can, quite apart from the side-effect is that you can always learn something from the other specialists. But what comes with this many Offered, in part, very clearly in our range of consulting services to us and, above all, why is that? It is soon, I’m a mom, a Coach, and what magic power do you have?

What are my colleagues, the upstairs every day and down the stairs to run and do their job, no matter what’s going on Out there in Instagram and who is also responsible for this woman and her Baby very virtually think?

Here is a voice of a colleague, who himself comes from a country where the work of the midwives is completely different than ours, which makes our System a very wonderful and important work.

“To be honest, I all think slow is normal that there is such a training, and to promote instead of the midwife. With more training, better pay, better conditions in the hospital. We will always have bad mood in the delivery room, when more and more women, only with people like themselves.  We all know that we are too little, that there are enough midwives, for circle hall and the postpartum period, but that is not the solution. We have to fight and our profession to protect this fucking training.

A colleague commented that: In the first Moment, I did not feel that someone deserves to be with the Pregnant money, we are the only midwives.

Other ladies and mothers go to the barricades and ask critical questions about the training. The comment function, the provider of the Accounts of the training is short, then turned off. Critical questions are obviously undesirable.

The big belly comparison

The self-optimization-mania has reached the Pregnant women. To compare listens to you!, our midwives columnist says, and together they hold dear.

The new Trend in the pregnancy, the Pregnant diet. A Plan with detailed specifications of the food reached my Desk. It is weighed, measured and counted. Fittingly, I find an App To see a small video, a very lean Pregnant women is one of the few that seems to have an enviable metabolism, and really not a gram increases too much power to loose a few Yoga Exercises.

The balance will be for Pregnant women today is the nail-biter. The Numbers are getting too much or too little, even if you are completely in the frame that someone has set. The concern is not to get rid of pounds after the birth, begins now. The pressure to fit in with the weight table is enormous. The women eyeing suspiciously the small column in the mother’s passport, in the unpopular Numbers  will be registered. On Instagram diligently photos posted are compared, bellies, nutrition tips exchanged – the Competition begins.

Surprised I look at the plans and targets from the Internet. I would love a picture of me pregnant, 35 kg more weight on the body than before the pregnancy – pull out of the bag. I actually had increased too much, and the raised Eyebrows of my Friends were to me a horror. No, you didn’t say anything, but I could read the question in their astonished faces: Well, whether it is losing weight again?

I felt like a goose. The gear on the scale I got denied at some point. Exact weight to my very significant Overweight I needed, and I wanted to see you, too. What should I do? I had Hunger and Hunger and Hunger – and fun to eat.

Pregnancy used to be a time in the you wanted to eat, what one made the hormones in appetite. In the 21st century. Century seem to be pregnant cravings prohibited. Where is she, the woman who can go to any of bakers past and at night secretly to the fridge, to the Nutella-glass auszulöffeln?

A woman in good hope, describes how the German language, for once, is so beautiful aptly – under immense pressure to fit into a weight standard, which corresponds to the individuality of your metabolism and your genetics, it may not be the result of a healthy diet. Every woman is different: The one is a Hunger, diets, and still grow, if you look at a Pizza, and their Baby pounds you will never be right again; the other ordered a full Portion of Pasta and a Panna cotta, which corresponds to the daily calorie needs of a family of five, and will have to think in your life, never on a diet, you will be more likely to need to be careful, after the birth of not too much to remove.

Exactly this woman enters the room, to return in a short shorts and a belly shirt. In the room tense atmosphere. The glances of the other women I can see. The woman in tight sports outfit has no idea of their effect.

After the end of the course, I ask you for a moment to have a conversation. It’s hard for me to ask you, however, easy to carry in the next hour, a long pair of pants, just so that the others feel more comfortable. She smiles, and understands the Situation perfectly. And yeah, I’d like you to come my request.

We should be supporting more and hold it together, she says, that would be much easier for everyone.

Experience of a midwife: you Can also clean?

The management of the household is not part of the remit of a midwife.

A large part of the midwifery training is clean. And does it really clean. It was only years later I realized how important this basis. At the time, I felt the youthful, arrogant thinking, as harassment of my Person.

Since I grew up with parents that have done a lot of work, I had to clean the house and was prepared for this part of the training well. I thought. Far from it, as a twelve-foot-square room in the delivery room clean has nothing to do with the home Clean. All wipeable surfaces must be cleaned first with a hot soap solution, then with clear water, then with disinfectant nachputzen. All wipeable surfaces! This takes about two hours.

The “once one of the net-making” to learn

Our “Maid”, as we called them at home, always had to wash with soap in the kitchen. From her I learned the “once one of the net-making” (as you called it) and my first cooking experiments. My first puff of a cigarette, and the first little SIP of mom’s cognac bottle came from her.

This reminds me of a story with a Couple, both from the old noble family originating. They had water in the night before with me in the place of birth is a beautiful and peaceful birth. I showed up after a few hours of sleep for the first postpartum visit. They lived in a bright Loft in the middle of it. The case of a home visit, I see a lot of means and taste, and also the bedroom. So also here.

Intensive advice on home visit

This is the first home visit of at least A4-pages-long list of questions already finished. Kita-acclimation included. Here, it was to prioritize loving the questions. Not always easy, but doable. These lists of questions to show how much this first time highlights with a Baby in the lives of young parents from the fishing.

After almost ninety minutes for a home visit I found the Bounce back to the exit door. The boy’s father walked me in silence, and stopped. Is there anything else, I thought.

Then he sat down and took a deep breath: “So, we want to say that We are very unhappy with your service.” Wow. Now it was out. Okay. Take a breath. Communication competence. I answered: “Give me Feedback please, why you feel you are in good hands, then we can look to see how we can make it better.”

The bit budget…

Inwardly I thought, Really, and after almost 1.5 hours duration of the meeting? His answer: “We would have been pleased, if you could also touch a bit in the budget with.”

I wasn’t ready. I needed an eternity to find a professional answer. Slowly and with a firm eye contact, I explained to him in a friendly way, I’d love to come to the house to visit and in the Morning bread rolls bring. Very much I worry about the health of his wife and newborn daughter. Really very fond of. The management of the household, however, is not the role of the midwife. I was happy, said I, to help in the search for a financial force that takes over then these tasks.

He replied that they would have a Maid who comes every day for three hours and everything. This had you but cancelled for this time, because I would do it well. He thought so.

Now I understood this complete Overload of the boy’s father, who had filled never in his life, a washing machine, and probably with a bulging fridge would starve, because he had simply cooked never. I also understand that his statement had nothing to do with my Person or my actual work as a midwife. Obviously, the midwife was in the rank of “staff”. I don’t think he understood the difference, but he turned away and said goodbye. If only he knew how well I clean’ve learned.